Feeling Awkward Everywhere I Go
Today I tried something a bit different: playing an online life simulator game. I usually prefer offline games — Rune Factory, Story of Seasons, or Harvest Moon — because everything is controllable, the pace is calm, and social interactions feel safe. Here, the experience felt familiar, but there was one key difference: real people behind their avatars.
I noticed a player talking to an NPC. Without thinking, I walked around them, just to see or “greet” a little. They seemed happy to see me and immediately approached, greeting warmly: “Hi :D!” Meanwhile… I just stayed silent and slowly walked away. It felt strange, my heart raced a little, and guilt immediately came over me. In my mind, I kept thinking: “What am I doing? This is weird. I’m definitely making this awkward. Are they annoyed?”
I felt confused because I didn’t fully understand how to express myself in the game yet. There were no emotes I knew how to use, and sudden social interaction like this felt… heavy.
After that, I decided to look for them again. This time, I pretended to browse clothing in a shop. They were alone, so no other players could see. I felt a little relieved when they walked away from the shop, and I finally sent a friend request. My intention wasn’t to start a long conversation, but more like a small “attempt to make things right” — to leave a polite impression, even though I didn’t feel comfortable interacting. The request was accepted, and I felt a bit better, though my heart was still uneasy.
I kept thinking: that player seemed to prefer being alone, talking mostly to NPCs, walking around by themselves. A few minutes later, they went offline. And in my head, scenarios started spinning: “Maybe they were just playing for fun, for a dopamine hit after a long day. Then I came along, confused, ran away… maybe they felt bored, maybe slightly disappointed, and finally went offline?” I know this is probably just overthinking, but the discomfort felt real.
What makes it even stranger is realizing that sometimes I even feel guilty toward NPCs — unless they’re designed to be pranked or deceived. But here, it was a real person. A real interaction, even if through a screen and an avatar. My guilt spiked because I didn’t want to hurt anyone or make their experience less enjoyable.
I’m not someone who’s comfortable with spontaneous social interaction, even in a virtual world. I tend to avoid it, feel awkward, and prefer closing the app rather than having to respond to an uninvited greeting. That’s not because I’m rude or don’t care but it’s because I want to protect myself from social pressure I’m not ready to handle.
It’s strange, really. At 25 years old, I find myself spending my free time on an online game — something I usually avoid. I even thought: “Andy, don’t you have anything better to do?” Yet I’m still writing, coding, and active on social media. There’s something about this game that draws me in, even while triggering intense awkwardness and overthinking.
Perhaps this game isn’t made for people like me. Sending a friend request doesn’t mean I want to have long conversations; it’s just a small act of courtesy. I’ve learned that it’s okay to have boundaries, it’s okay not to be ready for spontaneous interactions, and it’s okay to choose a virtual space that matches my own pace and comfort level.
Poor me. I guess that’s just me.
